With A Little Help From My Friends

Recently, the subject of censorship came up on Cool Moms Rule when The Higher Power of Lucky risked being banned from school libraries due to the use of the word "scrotum."

This piece started me thinking. First of all, I am against banning books for any reason. I think that knowledge should be made freely available. In addition, I don't want people I have never met making decisions for my children (or for me) when it comes to what is or is not appropriate. I consider it my responsibility as a parent to teach my children right from wrong. I taught them their colors and their letters and their numbers. I taught them to walk and to talk and (with a lot of help from their teachers) to read. I am the one who is teaching them, hopefully, how to think, so that when the day comes that I am no longer around to guide them, they will still make good decisions.

That being said, as a Mother of not one but two children, it's not always easy to decide when to teach what to each child. The Rhino is always trying to catch up to The Owl, whether I think he is ready or not. For example, though at 13 my Owl is old enough to watch most PG13 movies with no problems, my 11yo Rhino merely thinks he is. I know that his very active imagination takes off where the movie stops, and some images will give him nightmares. The question is, do I hold his brother back until they are both ready for these movies? That's a tough one. The Rhino tells me earnestly that there are kids at his school--and this is an elementary school--that have been watching horror movies for years! And when they say 'horror' today, we all know it's not about suspense any more. It's about gore. When I watch movies with the boys, I make a big deal about makeup and special effects if I think anything is TOO realistic. But it's still a dicey situation.

And, of course, we're going to have to deal with sex eventually. The boys have a great relationship with their Dad, and they've had Talks already. And whenever a teachable moment comes along, I go with it (for example, "See those supermodels in their underwear on TV? Real women don't look like that," or "Smart lasts longer than pretty. Find a pretty girl, fine, but make sure she is smart, too.") Still, I cringe at the thought of all that misinformation my boys are probably hearing from friends in school, and I'm glad that, no matter how embarrassing I may be to them, I'm here if they need me.

All this long-windedness actually has a point, believe it or not. The point is, I don't think other people should decide what's good for your kids, but I also know that you as parents can't always be on the spot to make that decision.

Which is why, when I heard about this today, I thought it might not be such a bad idea. A lot of companies offer services that offer 'safe' surfing to block out inappropriate websites, etc. Apparently, though, there is a group called NetIntelligence that works with schools and corporations on all kinds of educational products that does more than that. Their home version

gives you the ability to filter and customize web access for your children, record all instant messaging conversations, set and monitor time spent on your computers, both on and off line and prevent harmful viruses - in one easy to use combined product. And with our Parental Control version you can use the service on three separate machines as standard.

I especially like that last part--no buying additional software for each computer in the house. And I know a lot of parents that worry about sites like 'My Space' nowadays. So, anyway, I am putting up the link to NetIntelligence's Home Edition here on the blog for anyone that is interested.

NetIntelligence Home Edition

Sometimes, parents just need a little help.

tags technorati : internet safety

tags technorati : myspace

tags technorati : parenting

tags technorati : censorship

Some Great New Finds

I ran across some great new stuff and I thought I would share some of my finds with you.

I was surfing this weekend, since the kids and I are sick with this nasty virus that's running through both of their schools (we all have barking coughs like seals) and I came across two sites for kids that Moms can benefit from, too.

First is The Hero Machine, a cool interactive site that lets you create your own Superhero, Fantasy Hero or (bizarrely) basketball player. And yes! You can make a heroine, too! Both the Rhino and the Owl created their own superheroes, and I spent a fun half an hour here as well. You can choose hairstyles, boots, gloves, pants, weapons--choose humanoids and you even get to create an animal companion. The only downside was that I couldn't save my character (the only complicated part of the process). As I am a stout Mac fan and was working on my Macbook Pro, those of you with Windows may not have the same problem at all. Even if you do, you should be able to use "print screen" if your kids want a hard copy of their creations.

The next site is great when you have bored, sick kids around. I remember spending a lot of time reading when I was sick as a kid, but sick times were still the worst, and we didn't have game consoles to keep us entertained back then. But don't worry, your kids will never have to make the sacrifices that you did. Just for them, there is Every Video Game. Actually, a few games are definitely missing, but lots of NES and arcade games are on here, and your kids can actually play them for free.

This last site is just for us Moms. Our kids are already spoiled anyway. ;) The folks over at Real Age, a site which I have always espoused as one of my great resources for Moms, have come out with a new book that's just for us. It's entitled, Good Kids, Bad Habits. I've included the link over on the sidebar with the other "What Cool Moms are Reading Now" recommendations.

Carnival of Family Life

Check us out over at this month's Carnival of Family Life! Scroll down to find Viv's entries over at Be a Good Dad, and while you're there, check out some of the funky recipes. By the way, if you haven't tried the "White Chili" recipe Rod sent us last week, it's posted in full under the comments for "I Can Stand the Heat."

Try it, You'll Like It

Your Mood Ring is Light Blue

Emotions mixed Unsettled Cool

Mood Ring Generator

Unlikely Gamer

When I tell you I have two boys, ages 11 and 13, who are avid gamers, you likely wouldn't bat an eye. But when I add that I, their Mother, also enjoy gaming, well, I can sense your astonishment. It's just that rare to find a gaming Mom.

And I am not just talking about the weeny, E-rated family-friendly games. My boys have outgrown those, and, frankly, so have I. Cute only goes so far before boredom takes over. No, I actually get down-and-dirty in the shooters. Granted, I prefer to run and hide when things get dangerous instead of "Rambo-ing" into the fray, but at least I'm right there with them. In the corner. Behind the door. Trying to heal.

I don't know why so few mothers pick up a controller and try gaming with their kids. Sure, it can be intimidating the first few times. The Owl and The Rhino are so much better than I am at just about every game we have played that if winning were the only object, I would have retired in shame a long time ago. Though occasionally I can offer valuable suggestions; "Try picking up that thing and throwing it at the window!" I will say, when they have been struggling for ages at some impossible level. And when it yields an escape route, they are impressed and grateful and I am, indeed, the Cool Mom, as I sit smugly back in my seat, somehow neglecting to mention that if they had just listened to the lengthy dialogue between the two main characters instead of skipping past it impatiently to get to the action, they would have known what to do all along.

That's one of the areas where Moms excel at games, by the way. We pay attention. We remember what each level's objective is, instead of running off on a tangent to see if you can actually push people into the virtual pool, or take over the alien gun turret, or make the billiard ball go through the teleporter with you.

We're also quite good at puzzles in games. Those levels which bore my boys, where you have to, say, match up the ancient runes on the floor with the markings on the stones and then move them around so they light up--I like those levels. They're so nice and orderly. A place for everything, and everything in it's place. Unlike my messy house.

I am also, I find, excellent at strategy games where the point is to take care of people. Nurturing is any Mom's strength, and, yes, this does come into play, especially in strategy games. One PC (in other words, Windows-running computer) game we like particularly, and which I can recommend without hesitation for kids of all ages, is the Stronghold franchise by Firefly Studios. Though the Stronghold games are fraught with battle opportunities, at their core they are strategy games that require you to build up your Keep, piece by piece. This doesn't just mean putting bricks in place. It means feeding your villagers, giving them jobs--woodsman, for example, cut down trees for lumber, while hunters and farmers feed your troops, and masons gather stones from the quarry. Eventually, you will have enough resources to build an armory, train your troops, create leather armor and mailplate, swords and pikes, but that's only after you have mastered what it takes to truly be the Lord of the Keep. It's a friendly game, too, which welcomes you from the first moment, "My Lord, Your Castle Awaits You!"
[The only caveat I would have is to keep the play offline until your kids are old enough to join the (free!) online multiplayer modes, because in the online mode, strong language flows freely.]

But even if you are not so sure what your particular strengths are just now, there is so much more to be gained by just playing a videogame with your family that winning ultimately becomes irrelevant. This is time spent interacting with your kids, understanding their vernacular ("Whoa! I totally pwned that guy!"), and offering commentary along the way, like "I like that you only go after the aliens, not other people." I strongly believe that parents need to be informed about the games their kids are playing, and what better way than playing right along with them?

Of course, you will have to get used to being condescended to; "Hey, Mom, that was good. Really. Lots better than last time. See? You only let me get 50 points, and you got almost half my score! Yeah, you were set on Rookie while I was on Legendary, but...."

Oh, and that's another thing. When you play with your kids? Make sure they have a handicap.